The word conjures a multitude of images and emotions. Some, based upon reality, yet many are deeply rooted in the happily ever after genre of literature, television, and movies. The first picture that pops into my mind is the wedding cake topper. You know the one, the one with the handsome white groom and the beautiful white bride. Whether this is your vision or not, what happens when reality and fantasy do not match?
Meet, Meg and Kris.
Meg and Kris have been happily married for nine years. They have a lovely home, great jobs, two exceptionally bright kids, two cats, and a dog. They are a beautiful family! Yet, many have found their union disturbing.
Meg was repeatedly warned by well-meaning friends and family not to marry Kris. Even the church stated that they would not “waste” a priest on their wedding. Why such opposition? Kris was from a different culture and might become abusive, he was Mormon, and he was too brown. Kris is Indian.
Kris, too, was questioned about his choice of bride. The Indian side of the family wondered why he was not marrying an Indian girl. And, his mother was upset because he chose a non-Mormon.
Meg and Kris experience discrimination fairly often. To some, the level of bias in certain situations may seem minor. But, minor or major, it all adds up. It is, at times, tedious for the couple. Strangers ask Meg where her kids are from and tell her they look exotic. Car door locks click as they walk through their mostly-white neighborhood where they have lived for years, and often people change seats at theatres and events when they notice that the man sitting behind them is brown.
Though Kris has experienced the pain of racism personally, he shares his own cultural bias. Kris grew up with an Indian Father and White Cuban mother. Kris’s father worked internationally, and they traveled extensively throughout the world. They lived in India for 11 years, Indonesia for 5, and Korea for 2. Kris attended English speaking schools when he lived in India. The teachers were strict and used corporal punishment to manage the classroom. Kris learned quickly that he and his sister were spared from the indignity because their mother was white. Kris admits that being bi-racial made him feel like he was better than the kids that were 100% Indian.
Imagine Kris’s surprise when at 34, he took a DNA test that revealed that he was 100% Indian. His parents had kept his adoption secret since birth. The discovery has turned his world upside down and left him, asking himself tough questions about who he is versus who he thinks he is.
I asked Kris and Meg some tough questions about racism, concerns, healing, and how healing would occur.
Racism. What is it about, and why can’t we get over it?
Kris believes that people fear that sharing power means losing power. But there is no loss in extending equal rights to all.
Can we fix it, if so, how?
Both Kris and Meg are hopeful.
Kris believes that social media will help increase awareness and aid in resolving issues, even though it is used by others to promote opposing views and agendas. He states that a book can be burned, and it will be gone. But, what is put on the internet cannot be erased. Many people have joined to fight for what we believe in. Hopefully, we can keep up the momentum. We cannot allow it to be covered up again.
Meg believes that children should be introduced to diversity at a very early age. She feels it is essential to focus not only on our differences but also our similarities. Meg reflects upon her own childhood and the values her parents instilled upon her. Meg’s mother was a child of the ’60s and was significantly impacted by the civil rights movement. When she purchased dolls for her children, she made sure that there was also a black doll for each white doll. Additionally, her mother delighted in introducing other cultures to them. Meg’s mom worked in a water testing lab where the scientist and chemists came from all over the world. The children were able to learn about them through visits, the sharing of stories, and food. They frequently festivals that celebrated different ethnicities. There was never a stigma attached to persons from another culture. In fact, quite the opposite. There was a sense of fascination, wonder, and appreciation for the differences.
Both of her parents encouraged her to respect all persons, no matter their status in life. Her father believed that when it comes down to it, we are really all the same.
Kris is not looking forward to the day he has to have a discussion with his son about how the world will see him differently based on the color of his skin.
Meg fears her children will be treated differently or bullied in school.
Meg and Kris entered into a marriage, knowing that not everyone was in favor of the union. But, they knew the depth of their love and that they were willing to do the work to live and love one day at a time for the rest of their lives. They knew their journey would be filled with love, joy, friendship, adventure, and passion. They also knew that they would face many challenges and that one of those would be related to the difference in their skin color. They did not care. They did it anyway.
Many thanks to Meg and Kris for participating in A Time To Heal. May the rest of your days be filled with happiness and joy.
A Time To Heal is a project that promotes peaceful and constructive conversations related to difficult topics. Topics are related to the events of 2020. They include but are not limited to Covid-19, Essential Workers, Race, Racism, the LGBTQIA community about the recent supreme court ruling, and more.
Please Note: The purpose of the A Time To Heal is to create a safe space to allow others to express their feelings and opinions. The opinions of those interviewed may not be the same as my own or the reader. If you choose to comment on a post, please do so respectfully.
A Time To Heal, the Exhibit will be on display at City Center Arts in Muskegon, beginning September 2, 2020, to October 10, 2020. Please check the website before attending to verify hours of operation. http://citycenterarts.com/
Gail is the owner of Lakehouse Photo LLC and The Gratitude Project By Lakehouse Photo LLC. Learn more about Gail, The Gratitude Project, and her photography at the sites listed below. Additionally, Gail’s photography can be purchased from Lakehousephoto.com, City Center Arts in Muskegon, http://citycenterarts.com/, NCCA-Artplace in Fremont, http://www.ncca-artsplace.org/ or directly from the artist.
Photography Website: https://www.lakehousephoto.com/
The Gratitude Project: http://gratitudebylakehouse.com/
2020© Gail Howarth, Living At The Lakehouse, and Lakehouse Photo. Unauthorized use or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author or owner is strictly prohibited.